Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
