I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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