i don't like sucking hair
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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