i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
