I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
