I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
