So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
