i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
