"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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