Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize