Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
