I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
false alarm. still invincible.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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