i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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