Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
