Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
