Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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