I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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