You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
