Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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