Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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