I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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