I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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