I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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