you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
