Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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