I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
