omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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