Where did you get a picture of my penis
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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