you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize