I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
