So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize