you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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