i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
