The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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