I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The power of my boobs compel you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
