As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
