the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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