No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
