We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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