did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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