we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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