wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
