Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
