She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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