she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
