i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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