And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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