Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
