sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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