2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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