Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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