thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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