I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
