I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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