NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
