Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
