And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
