Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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