We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
