I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
