Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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