you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
