Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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