Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
