Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
