Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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