Screwed.edu
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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