He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
