I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
