all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize