I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
