He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
