I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
