what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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