if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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